Long known as a hub for free speech, open discussion and wanton allegations of cultural appropriation, the Sovereign Democratic Republic of HP is presently preparing to celebrate its first year of independence. Waffle Press reports. The republic was formed late last year, when an incredibly close 51-49% vote in an independence referendum had it expelled […]

The post HP Block Celebrates Independence appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A slew of exciting activities planned by the school administration has promised to keep students productively engaged this Friday. Waffle Press reports. The first of these activities is an exciting hour-long forum. School policy enthusiasts and chronic insomniacs were delighted to learn that the school would be conducting a session in which high ranking officials […]

The post Students Deprived Of Opportunity To Get Down On Friday appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As previously reported by the Waffle Press, the 2015 A level results were the greatest in the history of the country. Waffle Press reports. Re-entering the multi-purpose hall after 3 months sent visible shudders down the spines of students, as they recollected the borderline unsafe levels of rekt they had been exposed to during the […]

The post Saved By The Bell: A Level Results Exceed Expectations appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A recent series of policy shifts by the school administration is preparing the school for the difficult but necessary transition to a good school. Waffle Press reports. Shiny new legislation passed by the highest chambers of the Crystal Palace has brought in rules that have seen great success in Singapore’s primary schools. Most notable among […]

The post School Finally On Path To Becoming A Good School appeared first on The Waffle Press.

For several years now this tradition of Orientation groups going to nearby shopping malls to eat dinner and play games has been drawing flak from residents and mall goers in the area, who consider the excitable kids a public nuisance. This year, however, the public was shocked by the outstanding behavior of the students. Waffle […]

The post Public Forced To Innovate in Complaints About Orientation Groups appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Most esteemed reader, Established in Narnia just some months ago, The Waffle Press has served as a bastion of impartial, factually accurate reporting. The hard-working editors, reporters, analysts and fact-checkers at the publication have been utterly dedicated to the service of classy journalism. The site was set up immediately prior to the CT2, upon the […]

The post So Long And Thanks For All The Fish appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After all the hype and controversy, the fancy dress photo op affectionately called “Grad Night” came and went. Waffle Press reporters were on the scene with the scoop. The show kicked off with some light banter from the emcees and what appeared to be a message from our sponsors before jumping straight into what many […]

The post Grad Night In Review appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As students prepare their outlandish costumes for tonight, Waffle Press reports on how you can get ready for the glamorous evening ahead of you. The dinner will take place at a well known hotel today. Analysts have already praised the decision to place it just a few hours after the conclusion of the H3 Chemistry […]

The post Get Set For Regret Night appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Recent events have seen a group of speculators researchers conjuring Narnia-esque fantasies about this esteemed institution, concluding that it does in fact suck. Waffle Press reports. Award winning data scientist Dr Bingley from the Millikan Institute praised the research methodologies of the research team. In a rather lengthy exclusive interview, he told reporters: “The individuals […]

The post Speculation About School At All Time High appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The farewell assembly came at an odd time for most J2s, offering them a chance to bid goodbye to the institution before returning two days later for a compulsory lecture. Still, most students have welcomed this pseudo-break since it provides a legitimate excuse for them to put away their books without feeling overly guilty. An […]

The post The Last Goodbye appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After some stunningly boring (but sufficiently scarring) prelim papers, we may not have any new topics to write about. Nonetheless, the haze is still here and it deserves coverage and so Waffle Press reporters met with haze experts nationwide yet again to understand what impact the pollution has had. We first consulted leading homeopathic physician […]

The post Singaporeans Proven Right, Haze Linked To All Of Humanity’s Problems appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Some days ago, the NEA finally raised its alert level to “what the fog”, signalling several days of poor weather to come. This puts the Straits of Malacca in the world’s top 5 dire straits according to Straits Magazine. Waffle Press reports on the latest hypothesis by top researchers from the labs of Dr Connaught […]

The post Volcanic Eruption May Be Cause Of Haze appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The bad air quality recently managed to set off Singapore’s national smoke alarm system, piquing the interest of Singaporeans island-wide. Waffle Press reports. The smoke alarm was implemented nationwide after locals grew fed up of the smoke coming this way from our neighbours to the south. It was initially hoped the alarm would alert locals […]

The post Haze Sets Off National Smoke Alarm appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The elections are finally over and have seen a massive swing in the number of political pundits and Kopitiam based Think Tanks. In light of the terrible air quality and the spate of landslides across the island, the new government and the NEA have already begun looking into the anomalous conditions and for the rest […]

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A thick haze has descended over the tiny island nation of Singapore. Waffle Press reporters go behind the scenes to find out more. We first spoke to local haze expert Dr Connaught See. Dr See noted that there were a number of possible explanations for the lousy air quality. Of course, the most obvious is […]

The post Sumatra Fails To Honour Cooling Off Day appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After a recent series of events, the country’s Monetary Authority has declared a state of emergency. Waffle Press reporters went to the Sovereign Treasury and spoke to Chancellor of the Exchequer Mun Nee Gai to find out more. The problem is believed to have come up due to the tough economic climate in China combined […]

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A recent move by the Foundations of Shaw to keep the library open till 9 but disallow students from using the upper floors has caused quite a stir amongst students. Waffle Press editors spoke to Chief Analyst Dr Daw Jee Gai to find out what the reasons behind this strange new rule might be. Dr […]

The post The Law Of Shaw appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Inspired by the slew of parties thrown by the school lately,  a student group has decided to form one of their own. Even before they qualified to vote, the students have established the new Neoconservative Demagogue Party (NDP) and elected the Merlion as their Secretary-General. Waffle Press reporters caught up with deputy party leader Goh […]

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The institution has recently announced plans to celebrate the nation’s 50th birthday with yet another party. According to the organisers, the event will be held just before the extended weekend so as to best stir up patriotic fervour amongst impressionable students. Students our reporters spoke to were elated by the news, especially by the opportunity […]

The post BREAKING: Singapore Celebrates 50th Birthday appeared first on The Waffle Press.

It’s that time of year again. The Year 6 students have begun thinking about how much fun they’ll have right after the ‘A’ Levels. As students contemplate a life free of the shackles of education, the topic of the extravagant Graduation Dinner inevitably crops up. Every year, each graduating batch throws a party for itself […]

The post Grad Night 2015: Life After As appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The tale of the establishment of this prestigious institution is a long and inspiring one. Ever since a certain Englishman held a particular torch, the school has never failed to commemorate the day of its founding with great fanfare. This year’s founder’s day was no different. To celebrate the landmark 192nd year of the school, […]

The post Founder’s Day In Review appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A recent study by researchers at the Millikan Institute has revealed that 97% of students are strongly in favour of a compulsory carnival as a way for them to be forced to take 5. Our reporters met lead researcher Dr Day Ta (BBS, MBS, DBS) to find out what might be causing the student population […]

The post Compulsory Carnival Great Idea, Poll Finds appeared first on The Waffle Press.