Inspired by last year’s disastrous ‘A’ Level GP paper, the mysterious knowledge skills department has once again thwarted students’ attempts to study for the subject. Waffle Press reports. In a deliberate effort to demotivate GP students after the 56% distinction rate at the ‘A’ Levels, examiners prepared a battery of questions that caught students entirely […]

The post CT1: GP Examiners Fail To Consider Interests Of Majority appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As previously reported by the Waffle Press, the 2015 A level results were the greatest in the history of the country. Waffle Press reports. Re-entering the multi-purpose hall after 3 months sent visible shudders down the spines of students, as they recollected the borderline unsafe levels of rekt they had been exposed to during the […]

The post Saved By The Bell: A Level Results Exceed Expectations appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The school’s crack team of Corporate Communicators are once again preparing to announce that the school has achieved the greatest A Level results in the history of Singapore. Waffle Press reports. Reporters in the vicinity of the school spotted the Millikan Institute’s team of statisticians streaming into the crystal palace for a brief meeting with […]

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As a consequence of the prolonged assault on students’ morales by the SEAB, students islandwide are finding themselves completely incapable of giving a shit. Waffle Press reports. The severe constipation appears to be afflicting a large portion of the A-level-taking population. Many are finding themselves so utterly fed up by the extended senseless massacre of their […]

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The recent series of papers has done a more effective job than any GP paper of making students question whether there truly is a god. To best understand the trauma faced, a crack team of reporters from this esteemed publication was quickly dispatched to investigate. We spoke to Mathematics Chief Examiner and high ranking member of both […]

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Students islandwide were taken by complete surprise by the recent SN2 attack from Cambridge, exemplifying the growing threat of terrorism from the reputable institution. The Waffle Press reports. Ongoing investigations into Cambridge’s practices have proceeded at a record pace, no doubt completely unrelated to Cameron’s alma mater. Many students affected by the catastrophe were seen […]

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Students stepping into the exam hall today were glad to have the chance to finally make use of the wealth of GP knowledge they accumulated over the last two years. They were met with an incredibly well set paper that managed to completely invalidate any attempts at studying, as evidenced by the sudden interest in […]

The post Students In Singapore Suddenly Care About Energy Policy appeared first on The Waffle Press.

With the life-changing “A” level examinations drawing closer, local students are increasingly feeling the heat. The Social Justice League momentarily amassed popular support for the first time after raising concerns about the “unrealistic expectations” for students here. Members of the SJL pointed out that the difficulty level of local examinations has been rising faster than […]

The post The Grade Arms Race appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A local student was seen panicking frantically in the vicinity of the Foundations of Shaw after seeing his friends hard at work preparing for the impending examinations. Waffle Press reports. The student, Mr Ji Ji Leow, told reporters that Prelims were just days away when he first experienced symptoms of constipation, preventing him from giving […]

The post Student Stressed About Not Being Stressed appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After the recent Prelim exam papers, J2 students have all been faced with the same question during this strange pseudo-holiday: “should I be studying?” Waffle Press speaks to students and tutors to find out more. Waffle Press analysts find that exams are particularly exhausting for several reasons. It is only in an exam hall that […]

The post J2 Students Very Confused appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The passage of time has continued completely unnoticed by students who spent most of the last month preoccupied with getting rekt by their Prelims. However, having partially recovered from their melancholy stupor, several observant students suddenly realised it was October. Disbelief has spread like the Kalimantan fire throughout the population, stupefying most students in shock […]

The post Shocking! How Can It Be October Already?! appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As students across the cohort prepare for their Prelim MCQ papers, we interviewed a student who seems to have figured it all out. Despite achieving lacklustre results ever since he began his education here, he managed to score full marks for every MCQ question across all his subjects in CT2. This has had a thoroughly […]

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Student grades have suffered much at the unforgiving hands (both visible and invisible) of the various departments. With most students left with only the menial task of shading ‘A’ 80 times, Waffle Press reports on the Prelim situation. Biology students this time were faced with a far more complicated subject matter. The department went well […]

The post Prelim: Uncertainty In Grades At All Time High appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The recent mathematical catastrophe proved remarkably effective in worsening the plight of already demoralised students. A voluntary survey about students’ career goals and aspirations after the paper found a disproportionate number had ruled out any statistics-related occupation and many cited the PSLE as their only and highest qualification before burying their heads in sorrow. Math […]

The post Prelim: Y Things The Mathematics Department Doesn’t Want You To Know appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Some days ago, the NEA finally raised its alert level to “what the fog”, signalling several days of poor weather to come. This puts the Straits of Malacca in the world’s top 5 dire straits according to Straits Magazine. Waffle Press reports on the latest hypothesis by top researchers from the labs of Dr Connaught […]

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An epidemic has descended on the student populace. Dazed students lumbered out of the ISH and MPH this morning with the knowledge that the Economics Department had once again outdone themselves, managing to wipe the floor with even the best-prepared snaeks. We spoke to Mr Yew Dun Ngoh, Jack to find out more. As it […]

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GP students sitting for the Prelim paper were aghast to find themselves rekt several times over by the cruel and unforgiving GP paper the department had taken the liberty to set. Waffle Press caught up with GP student Eh Tee Kiew to find out more. Tee Kiew was quick to attack the general ambiguity of […]

The post Prelim: GP Paper Greatest Threat Facing Mankind, Study Finds appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Many countries have several benefits for their citizens. Surpassing all the traditional welfare states however, the trampoline nation of Singapore has introduced a new policy of making all national examinations free of charge. Waffle Press goes behind the scenes and finds out what exactly the reasoning behind this policy is. Each exam paper travels a […]

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Many students were utterly shocked and understandably aghast to discover that not one, but two subjects, will have their Preliminary Examinations before the 1 week September break. Waffle Press speaks to students and teachers to find out more. We met up first with Mr Jack Yew, a distinguished Economics lecturer to find out why the […]

The post Prelim: Ready Or Not, Here They Come appeared first on The Waffle Press.

It is well known that the GP department spends several weeks collating the best bull from each exam to put into the KS Bull. The book has served as an inspiration to students throughout the years who aspire to churn out high quality fabricated arguments. Over its many editions, the book has earned acclaim from […]

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A brazen economics student is presently under fire from the Department of Economics after writing a scathing essay criticizing the Departments’ actions over the past few years. The student, who chose to be known only as “Pineapple Rice”, was demoralized after completing what appeared to be a straightforward Question 4a only to realize that Question […]

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Having marked the chemistry exam scripts incredibly quickly, the department has already announced its plans for future common tests. In order to make the exam fairer and more approachable, the department has decided to take a number of important measures. Firstly, the last five questions on the OMS will automatically be shaded as the option […]

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To the disbelief of all who have ever been in his presence, the deanses listos, a minor species of snӕk is reportedly going on holiday. With the Common Tests concluding on Friday, this particular snӕk wasted little time engaging in post-paper demoralisation discussion sessions and instead grabbed his luggage and headed off for a vacation. […]

The post This Student Goes On Vacation. First You’ll Be Shocked, Then You’ll Be Inspired appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the fourth and final article in our Meet The Markers Special Report Yesterday, the school administration filed a police report upon realising that no GP tutor had been seen since the GP CT. Having completed their marking in double-quick time, the other academic staff had turned their attention to more important matters including […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 4) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the third article in our Meet The Markers special report. The Economics Department, in contrast was preoccupied with preparing questions for the Prelim examinations later this year. In the few minutes calculated and allocated to us on the basis of the marginalist principle, we managed to glean a few precious nuggets of information […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 3) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Still reeling from the shocking blow dealt to them by the single semiconductor question in the Physics paper, semiconductor physics students were entirely unamused to discover that the chemistry department had opted to test them on Silicon and Germanium. Our reporters interviewed several students who had embarked on the monumental task of studying semiconductor physics […]

The post CT2: Semiconductor Students Not Amused by Cruel Silicon Question appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the second article in our Meet The Markers special report. After a meeting the Department of Chemistry, we managed to interview Dr Bingley from the Department of Physics to find out what his department’s marking experience was like. In the precious few minutes before his flight to the Bahamas, our reporters learned that […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 2) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A student who has achieved poor grades throughout her life reportedly scored an astonishing 25/20 for the Chemistry CT2 question C2 (OR) (referred to within the department as “we didn’t think you’d get this far“). The student, Jess See, impressed examiners with deep insights into the production process of all reagents and products with commonly […]

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This is the first article in our Meet The Markers special report. Celebration is in the air as students enjoy a hard-earned weekend after the end of the Common Tests. They are joined today by tutors and lecturers who have just completed marking all the CT2 scripts as well. This astonishing feat was made possible […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 1) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

In another bid to cut costs whilst maintaining the shine of its ivory tower, school administrators are considering chiselling the legendary Dean’s List on a stone tablet.This is a natural move, since the names list hardly changes between examinations (with the notable exception of General Paper, where the chosen ones are determined by lottery), and […]

The post BREAKING NEWS: School Administrators Considering Carving Deans List In Stone appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A straw poll conducted by the Millikan Institute, a leading think tank, has found that students in school now overwhelmingly prefer all superheroes not part of the Avengers. The surprise result found all the Avengers pushed to the bottom, with Iron Man and the Hulk finishing dead last. Topping the poll instead were superheroes like […]

The post Avengers Now Least Favourite Superheroes Among Students, Survey Finds appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A confused physics student accidentally found his way into the ISH during the physics examination. The student unfortunately failed to recognise that he was sitting for the wrong paper until after it had begun and mortified when he discovered that he did not actually know what a ribosome was and what it did. He was […]

The post CT2: Physics Student in ISH Set to Outdo Peers appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Unbeknownst to most of the students sitting for the examination. The Common Test 2 paper was set with a hidden agenda, with many of the questions relating to real-world events. Waffle Press goes behind the scenes to bring you the inside story. Fraudulent Wholesaler Puts Rocks In Boxes Of Cherries An unethical cherry wholesaler has […]

The post CT2: X Things the Mathematics Department Doesn’t Want You to Know appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Parking attendant Yan had recently come under fire after an investigation revealed that she was issuing out an excessive number of parking tickets to her ex economics tutors. She justified this using vague claims about the pursuit of self-interest and pointed out a correlation between her career prospects and the lack of chance she was […]

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A study conducted by the Millikan Foundation has concluded that post-examination discussions have the potential to improve students’ results in the aforementioned exams. Procedure involved visually impaired researchers selecting candidates through convenience sampling of the local population. An interview with the researchers revealed their pride in adhering to international scientific guidelines in conducting a double-blind […]

The post Discussion of Paper After Exams Impacts Grades Directly, Study Shows appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A student prodigy in Economics has recently been lauded by everyone but the Department of Economics for outstanding contributions to the field. After an astonishing 7 page preamble about deficit-increasing communist Presidents and their far left agenda of making healthcare affordable, the student proceeded to provide the silver bullet to end the debt problem. The […]

The post CT2: Student Amazes Economics Department appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Despite several announcements made during and before the exam, one unfortunate student mistook the Economics CT2 exam for a General Paper exam. The student was not paying attention to a single announcement as he hardbound his 8 page dissertation on US spending and the standard of living and proceeded to hand in his script confident […]

The post CT2: This Student Is Set To Get 75/50 For His GP Paper appeared first on The Waffle Press.