Long known as a hub for free speech, open discussion and wanton allegations of cultural appropriation, the Sovereign Democratic Republic of HP is presently preparing to celebrate its first year of independence. Waffle Press reports. The republic was formed late last year, when an incredibly close 51-49% vote in an independence referendum had it expelled […]

The post HP Block Celebrates Independence appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A slew of exciting activities planned by the school administration has promised to keep students productively engaged this Friday. Waffle Press reports. The first of these activities is an exciting hour-long forum. School policy enthusiasts and chronic insomniacs were delighted to learn that the school would be conducting a session in which high ranking officials […]

The post Students Deprived Of Opportunity To Get Down On Friday appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A school-run tabloid, best known for being featured in a Waffle Press article, recently organised a symposium for Singapore’s student journalism societies. Waffle Press reports. The symposium began with an attempt by student journalists to arrive at an understanding of what exactly it meant to be a student journalist, confirming observers’ suspicions that they were […]

The post Waffling About: One Step For Small Presses appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Evidently motivated by our coverage of Council, droves of students have yet again applied to serve the school. Waffle Press reports. The process to become a councillor began in February, when students were asked to fill out a lengthy application form. We caught up with some Council hopefuls to find out what they thought about […]

The post Council Elections 2016 appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Rumours have recently been circulating about this paper, particularly pertaining to acquisition plans. This has prompted an investigation into these claims about the future of this publication. Waffle Press reports. Our reporters managed to pin down the origin of these rumours to the very paper we are allegedly acquiring, an Internet blog published under the […]

The post Local Tabloid Slanders Waffle Press appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Inspired by last year’s disastrous ‘A’ Level GP paper, the mysterious knowledge skills department has once again thwarted students’ attempts to study for the subject. Waffle Press reports. In a deliberate effort to demotivate GP students after the 56% distinction rate at the ‘A’ Levels, examiners prepared a battery of questions that caught students entirely […]

The post CT1: GP Examiners Fail To Consider Interests Of Majority appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As previously reported by the Waffle Press, the 2015 A level results were the greatest in the history of the country. Waffle Press reports. Re-entering the multi-purpose hall after 3 months sent visible shudders down the spines of students, as they recollected the borderline unsafe levels of rekt they had been exposed to during the […]

The post Saved By The Bell: A Level Results Exceed Expectations appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The school’s crack team of Corporate Communicators are once again preparing to announce that the school has achieved the greatest A Level results in the history of Singapore. Waffle Press reports. Reporters in the vicinity of the school spotted the Millikan Institute’s team of statisticians streaming into the crystal palace for a brief meeting with […]

The post School Prepares For Best A Level Results of All Time appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A recent series of policy shifts by the school administration is preparing the school for the difficult but necessary transition to a good school. Waffle Press reports. Shiny new legislation passed by the highest chambers of the Crystal Palace has brought in rules that have seen great success in Singapore’s primary schools. Most notable among […]

The post School Finally On Path To Becoming A Good School appeared first on The Waffle Press.

For several years now this tradition of Orientation groups going to nearby shopping malls to eat dinner and play games has been drawing flak from residents and mall goers in the area, who consider the excitable kids a public nuisance. This year, however, the public was shocked by the outstanding behavior of the students. Waffle […]

The post Public Forced To Innovate in Complaints About Orientation Groups appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Most esteemed reader, Established in Narnia just some months ago, The Waffle Press has served as a bastion of impartial, factually accurate reporting. The hard-working editors, reporters, analysts and fact-checkers at the publication have been utterly dedicated to the service of classy journalism. The site was set up immediately prior to the CT2, upon the […]

The post So Long And Thanks For All The Fish appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After all the hype and controversy, the fancy dress photo op affectionately called “Grad Night” came and went. Waffle Press reporters were on the scene with the scoop. The show kicked off with some light banter from the emcees and what appeared to be a message from our sponsors before jumping straight into what many […]

The post Grad Night In Review appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As students prepare their outlandish costumes for tonight, Waffle Press reports on how you can get ready for the glamorous evening ahead of you. The dinner will take place at a well known hotel today. Analysts have already praised the decision to place it just a few hours after the conclusion of the H3 Chemistry […]

The post Get Set For Regret Night appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The student council is one of the most hallowed organisations in this honourable institution. This group has long taken on the most demanding and important tasks in the school including the distribution of Fruit Plus and the expenditure of vast amounts of money. How exactly do they do it? Waffle Press finds out more. The […]

The post Student Council Preview appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Recent events have seen a group of speculators researchers conjuring Narnia-esque fantasies about this esteemed institution, concluding that it does in fact suck. Waffle Press reports. Award winning data scientist Dr Bingley from the Millikan Institute praised the research methodologies of the research team. In a rather lengthy exclusive interview, he told reporters: “The individuals […]

The post Speculation About School At All Time High appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As a consequence of the prolonged assault on students’ morales by the SEAB, students islandwide are finding themselves completely incapable of giving a shit. Waffle Press reports. The severe constipation appears to be afflicting a large portion of the A-level-taking population. Many are finding themselves so utterly fed up by the extended senseless massacre of their […]

The post Students Face Medical Emergency appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The recent series of papers has done a more effective job than any GP paper of making students question whether there truly is a god. To best understand the trauma faced, a crack team of reporters from this esteemed publication was quickly dispatched to investigate. We spoke to Mathematics Chief Examiner and high ranking member of both […]

The post UK Set To Boost Exports Of Rekt appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Students islandwide were taken by complete surprise by the recent SN2 attack from Cambridge, exemplifying the growing threat of terrorism from the reputable institution. The Waffle Press reports. Ongoing investigations into Cambridge’s practices have proceeded at a record pace, no doubt completely unrelated to Cameron’s alma mater. Many students affected by the catastrophe were seen […]

The post David Cameron Fails To Stop Terrorism appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Students stepping into the exam hall today were glad to have the chance to finally make use of the wealth of GP knowledge they accumulated over the last two years. They were met with an incredibly well set paper that managed to completely invalidate any attempts at studying, as evidenced by the sudden interest in […]

The post Students In Singapore Suddenly Care About Energy Policy appeared first on The Waffle Press.

With the life-changing “A” level examinations drawing closer, local students are increasingly feeling the heat. The Social Justice League momentarily amassed popular support for the first time after raising concerns about the “unrealistic expectations” for students here. Members of the SJL pointed out that the difficulty level of local examinations has been rising faster than […]

The post The Grade Arms Race appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Students in LT1 on Monday were genuinely mortified to find one of their peers conscious and listening intently in an academic lecture. The student, renowned snaek Ai Suan Guan, was found to be taking notes as the lecturer spoke; in stark contrast to his peers who were engaged in a mixture of doing homework, using […]

The post You’ll be shocked by what this student did! appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The farewell assembly came at an odd time for most J2s, offering them a chance to bid goodbye to the institution before returning two days later for a compulsory lecture. Still, most students have welcomed this pseudo-break since it provides a legitimate excuse for them to put away their books without feeling overly guilty. An […]

The post The Last Goodbye appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A local student was seen panicking frantically in the vicinity of the Foundations of Shaw after seeing his friends hard at work preparing for the impending examinations. Waffle Press reports. The student, Mr Ji Ji Leow, told reporters that Prelims were just days away when he first experienced symptoms of constipation, preventing him from giving […]

The post Student Stressed About Not Being Stressed appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A second bout of gastric malaise appears to have gripped Biology students across the cohort. Imbued with a strong thirst for truth, we spoke to Dr Bingley to find out why Biology students were suddenly facing such severe digestive woes. The increasingly famous spin doctor ventured far out of his field of practice (as is […]

The post Gastroenterological Epidemic Among Biology Students appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A student with shockingly poor grades has managed to make it into a top school in the US even though no one believed he could. Waffle Press reports on the inspiring story of school alumnus Koh Lam Bia. Lam Bia was an unassuming student whilst in school. He received relatively appalling scores in his CTs […]

The post Student Makes It To College Against All Odds appeared first on The Waffle Press.

During a “post-mortem” session, a bold Mathematician from the department made a series of unprecedented statements. Waffle Press investigates. The episode began with the teacher, Mr Ee Er San, declaring that there were in fact newsworthy articles outside The Waffle Press. While this seems an outrageous proposition to most, the intrepid tutor went on to […]

The post Department of Mathematics Announces New Research appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A massive groan has emanated once again from the oppressed masses as the season of self-expression is upon us. Hapless students are struggling to pen down anything remotely significant about their lives to fill up the mountains of applications and personal statements required for various prestigious accolades and applications. Self-esteem is reportedly at an all time […]

The post Students Struggle To Express Themselves appeared first on The Waffle Press.

“Popular” is the campus’ most visited bookstore. Everyday, students flock to it to purchase stationery, school merchandise and books. As a result, the bookstore appears to have gained a name for itself throughout the campus. However, the recent class action lawsuit filed against the company has now raised questions about the accuracy of the perceptions […]

The post The Shocking Truth About Popular appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After the recent Prelim exam papers, J2 students have all been faced with the same question during this strange pseudo-holiday: “should I be studying?” Waffle Press speaks to students and tutors to find out more. Waffle Press analysts find that exams are particularly exhausting for several reasons. It is only in an exam hall that […]

The post J2 Students Very Confused appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The passage of time has continued completely unnoticed by students who spent most of the last month preoccupied with getting rekt by their Prelims. However, having partially recovered from their melancholy stupor, several observant students suddenly realised it was October. Disbelief has spread like the Kalimantan fire throughout the population, stupefying most students in shock […]

The post Shocking! How Can It Be October Already?! appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After some stunningly boring (but sufficiently scarring) prelim papers, we may not have any new topics to write about. Nonetheless, the haze is still here and it deserves coverage and so Waffle Press reporters met with haze experts nationwide yet again to understand what impact the pollution has had. We first consulted leading homeopathic physician […]

The post Singaporeans Proven Right, Haze Linked To All Of Humanity’s Problems appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As students across the cohort prepare for their Prelim MCQ papers, we interviewed a student who seems to have figured it all out. Despite achieving lacklustre results ever since he began his education here, he managed to score full marks for every MCQ question across all his subjects in CT2. This has had a thoroughly […]

The post How To Ace Your MCQs! appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Student grades have suffered much at the unforgiving hands (both visible and invisible) of the various departments. With most students left with only the menial task of shading ‘A’ 80 times, Waffle Press reports on the Prelim situation. Biology students this time were faced with a far more complicated subject matter. The department went well […]

The post Prelim: Uncertainty In Grades At All Time High appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The recent mathematical catastrophe proved remarkably effective in worsening the plight of already demoralised students. A voluntary survey about students’ career goals and aspirations after the paper found a disproportionate number had ruled out any statistics-related occupation and many cited the PSLE as their only and highest qualification before burying their heads in sorrow. Math […]

The post Prelim: Y Things The Mathematics Department Doesn’t Want You To Know appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Some days ago, the NEA finally raised its alert level to “what the fog”, signalling several days of poor weather to come. This puts the Straits of Malacca in the world’s top 5 dire straits according to Straits Magazine. Waffle Press reports on the latest hypothesis by top researchers from the labs of Dr Connaught […]

The post Volcanic Eruption May Be Cause Of Haze appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The bad air quality recently managed to set off Singapore’s national smoke alarm system, piquing the interest of Singaporeans island-wide. Waffle Press reports. The smoke alarm was implemented nationwide after locals grew fed up of the smoke coming this way from our neighbours to the south. It was initially hoped the alarm would alert locals […]

The post Haze Sets Off National Smoke Alarm appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The elections are finally over and have seen a massive swing in the number of political pundits and Kopitiam based Think Tanks. In light of the terrible air quality and the spate of landslides across the island, the new government and the NEA have already begun looking into the anomalous conditions and for the rest […]

The post Students Form New Party In The Wake Of Elections appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A thick haze has descended over the tiny island nation of Singapore. Waffle Press reporters go behind the scenes to find out more. We first spoke to local haze expert Dr Connaught See. Dr See noted that there were a number of possible explanations for the lousy air quality. Of course, the most obvious is […]

The post Sumatra Fails To Honour Cooling Off Day appeared first on The Waffle Press.

After a recent series of events, the country’s Monetary Authority has declared a state of emergency. Waffle Press reporters went to the Sovereign Treasury and spoke to Chancellor of the Exchequer Mun Nee Gai to find out more. The problem is believed to have come up due to the tough economic climate in China combined […]

The post MAS In Crisis Mode appeared first on The Waffle Press.

An epidemic has descended on the student populace. Dazed students lumbered out of the ISH and MPH this morning with the knowledge that the Economics Department had once again outdone themselves, managing to wipe the floor with even the best-prepared snaeks. We spoke to Mr Yew Dun Ngoh, Jack to find out more. As it […]

The post Students Sick Of Econs, Denied Cure appeared first on The Waffle Press.

GP students sitting for the Prelim paper were aghast to find themselves rekt several times over by the cruel and unforgiving GP paper the department had taken the liberty to set. Waffle Press caught up with GP student Eh Tee Kiew to find out more. Tee Kiew was quick to attack the general ambiguity of […]

The post Prelim: GP Paper Greatest Threat Facing Mankind, Study Finds appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Recently, the chemistry department conducted intensive research into the fundamental properties of “Transition Metals” (TMs). They published their findings in a research paper titled “An introduction to the chemistry of transition elements” which was so intriguing, it quickly made its way into the hands of over a thousand students. The paper was largely a run […]

The post Chemistry Department Makes Groundbreaking Discovery appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A team of researchers from the NUS Geological Survey and the Millikan Institute For Applied Sciences recently conducted an in depth study of the geographical characteristics of the school. Their work was published last week in the journal Beagle Eye. Learning from school founder Sir Thomas Bingley, the team assessed the suitability of the school […]

The post Researchers Astounded By School Geography appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A recent move by the Foundations of Shaw to keep the library open till 9 but disallow students from using the upper floors has caused quite a stir amongst students. Waffle Press editors spoke to Chief Analyst Dr Daw Jee Gai to find out what the reasons behind this strange new rule might be. Dr […]

The post The Law Of Shaw appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Inspired by the slew of parties thrown by the school lately,  a student group has decided to form one of their own. Even before they qualified to vote, the students have established the new Neoconservative Demagogue Party (NDP) and elected the Merlion as their Secretary-General. Waffle Press reporters caught up with deputy party leader Goh […]

The post Student Party To Take GE 2015 By Storm appeared first on The Waffle Press.

In the true spirit of the free market, the school imposes few, if any, restrictions on the chow served up by canteen vendors. This policy has recently been validated by scientific evidence unearthed below a pile of papers in the Millikan Institute. The few regulations placed are of course in the best interests of students. […]

The post Canteen Regulations Reaffirmed By Scientific Evidence appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Many countries have several benefits for their citizens. Surpassing all the traditional welfare states however, the trampoline nation of Singapore has introduced a new policy of making all national examinations free of charge. Waffle Press goes behind the scenes and finds out what exactly the reasoning behind this policy is. Each exam paper travels a […]

The post The Merits of Free Exams appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The institution has recently announced plans to celebrate the nation’s 50th birthday with yet another party. According to the organisers, the event will be held just before the extended weekend so as to best stir up patriotic fervour amongst impressionable students. Students our reporters spoke to were elated by the news, especially by the opportunity […]

The post BREAKING: Singapore Celebrates 50th Birthday appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Many students were utterly shocked and understandably aghast to discover that not one, but two subjects, will have their Preliminary Examinations before the 1 week September break. Waffle Press speaks to students and teachers to find out more. We met up first with Mr Jack Yew, a distinguished Economics lecturer to find out why the […]

The post Prelim: Ready Or Not, Here They Come appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The following piece is a guest post submitted by Winston, a freelance reporter: With the deadline for applications for RD Merit and Distinction Awards having lapsed, Waffle Press is in a position to confirm several new developments. We understand that overwhelmed SAC staff, struggling under the weight of stacks of hastily prepared portfolios, took the […]

The post BREAKING: RD Committee Makes Surprise Announcement appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Accusations of elitism have been hurled at this honourable institution since time immemorial. Students have come and gone but the perception of snobbishness has been one of the few things that remained constant. Our reporters set out to tackle this challenging topic to shed some light on the current status of elitism in the school. […]

The post Editorial: Elitism, Addressing The Problem We’re Too Smart To Have appeared first on The Waffle Press.

It’s that time of year again. The Year 6 students have begun thinking about how much fun they’ll have right after the ‘A’ Levels. As students contemplate a life free of the shackles of education, the topic of the extravagant Graduation Dinner inevitably crops up. Every year, each graduating batch throws a party for itself […]

The post Grad Night 2015: Life After As appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The IHC sports events have always been a great opportunity for athletic students to get a free t-shirt win their house some points while learning a single new word borrowed from an obscure language and taken way out of context. This year, the IHC sports ICs have developed a new, more inclusive event that they […]

The post IHCS: New IHC Sports Event Set To Be Most Challenging Yet appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The House of BW has a long tradition of excellence. After emerging as champion in last year’s IHC, its position at the top of the league tables seemed all but certain. Its earth shattering cheer, with that screaming dance number that no one actually understands, is the envy of many. However, in a shocking turn […]

The post IHCS: BW Takes Solid Beating appeared first on The Waffle Press.

The tale of the establishment of this prestigious institution is a long and inspiring one. Ever since a certain Englishman held a particular torch, the school has never failed to commemorate the day of its founding with great fanfare. This year’s founder’s day was no different. To celebrate the landmark 192nd year of the school, […]

The post Founder’s Day In Review appeared first on The Waffle Press.

It is well known that the GP department spends several weeks collating the best bull from each exam to put into the KS Bull. The book has served as an inspiration to students throughout the years who aspire to churn out high quality fabricated arguments. Over its many editions, the book has earned acclaim from […]

The post CT2: GP Department Faces Crisis appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Students sitting for a recent comprehension class practice were shocked to find that they had been given an article from the Waffle Press. Having become accustomed to confusing and poorly written articles, the students found it to be a welcome change. More astonishingly however, Waffle Press Editor-Generals Dr Coconut and Huey both failed the test […]

The post New GP Comprehension Leaves Students Shocked appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A brazen economics student is presently under fire from the Department of Economics after writing a scathing essay criticizing the Departments’ actions over the past few years. The student, who chose to be known only as “Pineapple Rice”, was demoralized after completing what appeared to be a straightforward Question 4a only to realize that Question […]

The post CT2: Student Offends Economics Department appeared first on The Waffle Press.

In an unprecedented turn of events, the HHouse Committee has announced HH has made it to the top of the HHouse rankings. The unexpected result comes after an HH victory in the inter-house floorball event. Waffle Press Editor-Generals were equally shocked by the news and quickly reached out to their spokesperson to find out more. […]

The post IHCS: WHHO’S THE BEST? appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A recent study by researchers at the Millikan Institute has revealed that 97% of students are strongly in favour of a compulsory carnival as a way for them to be forced to take 5. Our reporters met lead researcher Dr Day Ta (BBS, MBS, DBS) to find out what might be causing the student population […]

The post Compulsory Carnival Great Idea, Poll Finds appeared first on The Waffle Press.

For every 99 students who cannot wait to turn their backs on this dreaded subject, there is one who aspires to go the LSE, draw some lines and win the USD 1.4 million Nobel Prize in Economics. Winning this highly regarded prize is easier than it looks, according to previous recipients, if you employ some […]

The post How You Can Win The Nobel Prize In Economics appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Many students aspire to one day write works so great that they qualify to win the Pulitzer Prize. While the incredible quality of Waffle Press reporting is tough to beat, it appears the committee looks at more than just quality. We find out just what criteria the award is judged on. We spoke with Pulitzer […]

The post 4 Ways You Can Win The Pulitzer Prize appeared first on The Waffle Press.

We all know that the HP block, and those who inhabit it, have always stayed in relative isolation. Despite the segregation of students and the remoteness of the block however, the students of the HP block have started a movement to secede from the rest of the school, and eventually the nation of Singapore. The […]

The post HP Block Set To Secede From School, Country appeared first on The Waffle Press.

As part of their PW project, a group of students investigated the mysterious structure known as the “Wishing Well” and its alleged supernatural abilities. Following a considerable number of field trips and “consultations” with several architectural texts, the researchers found no evidence of any liquid source besides the perspiration of nervous students. Attempted quantitative measurements […]

The post Wishing Well Proven Exceptionally Ineffective appeared first on The Waffle Press.

“The fight for the Dean’s List brings out the best in people. It helps them reach their potential.” – Hiss Excellency Ai Suan Guan, Closet Chairman, Closet Muggers Confederation It is a regular pilgrimage that is a sight to behold. Every exam season, the most potent snӕks on campus flock to the Foundations of Shaw. […]

The post Things You Need To Know About Snaeks appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Having marked the chemistry exam scripts incredibly quickly, the department has already announced its plans for future common tests. In order to make the exam fairer and more approachable, the department has decided to take a number of important measures. Firstly, the last five questions on the OMS will automatically be shaded as the option […]

The post Department Of Chemistry Set To Change Exam Format appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Evidently paying little heed to the good science advice doled out by Dr Bingley and Waffle Press, a humanities student appears to have attempted a science experiment that has gone completely wrong. We caught up with Will Sun, the student in question, at his home. Dressed impeccably in a tweed tailcoat and a felt derby, […]

The post Humanities Student Fails At Science Experiment appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Faced with increasingly restrictive rubrics for SPA grading, school administrators are considering affixing a portrait of the great Dr. Millikan to inspire students in their empirical studies. Hopefully this will inspire students to get creative if they don’t achieve the prescribed results. In fact, teachers are hoping that the portrait of Dr Millikan will encourage […]

The post You’ll Be Amazed At This New SPA Measure appeared first on The Waffle Press.

To the disbelief of all who have ever been in his presence, the deanses listos, a minor species of snӕk is reportedly going on holiday. With the Common Tests concluding on Friday, this particular snӕk wasted little time engaging in post-paper demoralisation discussion sessions and instead grabbed his luggage and headed off for a vacation. […]

The post This Student Goes On Vacation. First You’ll Be Shocked, Then You’ll Be Inspired appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Many students have admitted they have had difficulty deciding which day of school to skip this week. While some have opted to extend their weekend by excusing themselves from Monday’s lessons, others are still deciding how to optimize their unproductive time and minimise their opportunity cost. This comes after Youth Day was rescheduled, leading several […]

The post Students Faced With Intense Dilemma appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the fourth and final article in our Meet The Markers Special Report Yesterday, the school administration filed a police report upon realising that no GP tutor had been seen since the GP CT. Having completed their marking in double-quick time, the other academic staff had turned their attention to more important matters including […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 4) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the third article in our Meet The Markers special report. The Economics Department, in contrast was preoccupied with preparing questions for the Prelim examinations later this year. In the few minutes calculated and allocated to us on the basis of the marginalist principle, we managed to glean a few precious nuggets of information […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 3) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Still reeling from the shocking blow dealt to them by the single semiconductor question in the Physics paper, semiconductor physics students were entirely unamused to discover that the chemistry department had opted to test them on Silicon and Germanium. Our reporters interviewed several students who had embarked on the monumental task of studying semiconductor physics […]

The post CT2: Semiconductor Students Not Amused by Cruel Silicon Question appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the second article in our Meet The Markers special report. After a meeting the Department of Chemistry, we managed to interview Dr Bingley from the Department of Physics to find out what his department’s marking experience was like. In the precious few minutes before his flight to the Bahamas, our reporters learned that […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 2) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A student who has achieved poor grades throughout her life reportedly scored an astonishing 25/20 for the Chemistry CT2 question C2 (OR) (referred to within the department as “we didn’t think you’d get this far“). The student, Jess See, impressed examiners with deep insights into the production process of all reagents and products with commonly […]

The post CT2: Student Outdoes All Expectations In Chemistry Paper appeared first on The Waffle Press.

This is the first article in our Meet The Markers special report. Celebration is in the air as students enjoy a hard-earned weekend after the end of the Common Tests. They are joined today by tutors and lecturers who have just completed marking all the CT2 scripts as well. This astonishing feat was made possible […]

The post CT2: Meet The Markers (Part 1) appeared first on The Waffle Press.

In another bid to cut costs whilst maintaining the shine of its ivory tower, school administrators are considering chiselling the legendary Dean’s List on a stone tablet.This is a natural move, since the names list hardly changes between examinations (with the notable exception of General Paper, where the chosen ones are determined by lottery), and […]

The post BREAKING NEWS: School Administrators Considering Carving Deans List In Stone appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A straw poll conducted by the Millikan Institute, a leading think tank, has found that students in school now overwhelmingly prefer all superheroes not part of the Avengers. The surprise result found all the Avengers pushed to the bottom, with Iron Man and the Hulk finishing dead last. Topping the poll instead were superheroes like […]

The post Avengers Now Least Favourite Superheroes Among Students, Survey Finds appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A confused physics student accidentally found his way into the ISH during the physics examination. The student unfortunately failed to recognise that he was sitting for the wrong paper until after it had begun and mortified when he discovered that he did not actually know what a ribosome was and what it did. He was […]

The post CT2: Physics Student in ISH Set to Outdo Peers appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Unbeknownst to most of the students sitting for the examination. The Common Test 2 paper was set with a hidden agenda, with many of the questions relating to real-world events. Waffle Press goes behind the scenes to bring you the inside story. Fraudulent Wholesaler Puts Rocks In Boxes Of Cherries An unethical cherry wholesaler has […]

The post CT2: X Things the Mathematics Department Doesn’t Want You to Know appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Parking attendant Yan had recently come under fire after an investigation revealed that she was issuing out an excessive number of parking tickets to her ex economics tutors. She justified this using vague claims about the pursuit of self-interest and pointed out a correlation between her career prospects and the lack of chance she was […]

The post CT2: Corrupt Parking Attendant Under Fire appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A study conducted by the Millikan Foundation has concluded that post-examination discussions have the potential to improve students’ results in the aforementioned exams. Procedure involved visually impaired researchers selecting candidates through convenience sampling of the local population. An interview with the researchers revealed their pride in adhering to international scientific guidelines in conducting a double-blind […]

The post Discussion of Paper After Exams Impacts Grades Directly, Study Shows appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A student prodigy in Economics has recently been lauded by everyone but the Department of Economics for outstanding contributions to the field. After an astonishing 7 page preamble about deficit-increasing communist Presidents and their far left agenda of making healthcare affordable, the student proceeded to provide the silver bullet to end the debt problem. The […]

The post CT2: Student Amazes Economics Department appeared first on The Waffle Press.

Despite several announcements made during and before the exam, one unfortunate student mistook the Economics CT2 exam for a General Paper exam. The student was not paying attention to a single announcement as he hardbound his 8 page dissertation on US spending and the standard of living and proceeded to hand in his script confident […]

The post CT2: This Student Is Set To Get 75/50 For His GP Paper appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A student who has the misfortune of studying Chemistry has recently been censured by the Department of Chemistry for arguing that aqueous Iodine may actually turn white and gold in the presence of starch. Referring to a photo on his smartphone, the student argued that the due to the differing levels of lighting available in […]

The post Student Censured For Chemical Blasphemy. You Won’t Believe What Happens Next! appeared first on The Waffle Press.

In an unprecedented move, the Department of Project Work has unveiled its plans to refresh its image to make PW more bearable and ensure students put an appropriate amount of effort into it. The new mascot, G.I. Joe was revealed today at a press event at the PW Command Centre, a small establishment in the […]

The post The Latest Project Work Announcement That Students Should Be Inspired By appeared first on The Waffle Press.

A consortium led by 7-11 and the Canteen Vendors Association is pursuing litigation against the Chill franchise which they claim has used anticompetitive methods to steal business from smaller enterprises. A spokesperson for the consortium stated that Chill’s operation went against regulations as it ran 2 air conditioned stores, selling freshly baked waffles and underpriced […]

The post The Possible Truth About Chill That Economists Think You Should Fear appeared first on The Waffle Press.

ClusterLabs, Block C – When most students think of time, they also often think of the work attached to it and how every last moment of their time will be entirely consumed by the time hungry oppressive juggernaut known as School. Due to this, physicists have always imagined that in fact, ‘free time’, time that […]

The post RSI Does Intensive Research On Time. You Won’t Believe What They Discovered! appeared first on The Waffle Press.