Many students have admitted they have had difficulty deciding which day of school to skip this week. While some have opted to extend their weekend by excusing themselves from Monday’s lessons, others are still deciding how to optimize their unproductive time and minimise their opportunity cost.

This comes after Youth Day was rescheduled, leading several students to look for a compensatory holiday in the vicinity of the 5th of July. Despite the cancellation of the day off, most students are happier with this arrangement as it gives them greater flexibility in deciding when to reimburse themselves. Having enjoyed themselves thoroughly over their first two genuine days of holidays since forever, many are expected to need a few days to adjust back to their short, nasty, brutish existences.

In addition, the realisation that the respective academic departments would not be releasing any results in their entirety this week to prolong students’ distress has aggravated many students. In protest to this, a significant number have decided to indulge themselves and take multiple days or even the rest of the week off.

A poll by the Millikan Foundation has revealed Tuesday and Wednesday as popular choices amongst students. While partially attributed to a need for a break in the middle of the week, the researchers discovered an interesting pattern in the results.

Students of the genus snaek appear of have a strong preference for taking Tuesday off, with many of them citing the large number of non-academic periods as the primary reason. This is expected, considering the snaek often prefers to study by itself and is averse to all uses of time that do not contribute to grades.

On the other hand, the shift in certain lectures to Wednesday has led many more holistic students to opt to skip school on Wednesday. This is, once again, hardly a surprise as school is expected to end well past 3pm.

Several teachers have expressed concern over this kind of planned mass bunking. However, Waffle Press analysts pointed out that the distribution of absentees in the manner described will help mitigate their frustrations as a sufficient number of students will be present to make classes and lectures appear full. A minority of tutors who declined to be named admitted to “hoping more students would succumb”, allowing them to continue to playing snooker.

It has also been reported that doctors in the Bishan area are seeing several students for a “headache”, “stomachache” and other unverifiable medical conditions. The printing shop has also noted that it has had significantly higher revenues.