A student with shockingly poor grades has managed to make it into a top school in the US even though no one believed he could. Waffle Press reports on the inspiring story of school alumnus Koh Lam Bia.

Lam Bia was an unassuming student whilst in school. He received relatively appalling scores in his CTs and Promos and was resigned to his fate of amounting to nothing. Where many of his classmates achieved remarkable straight A scores, he had been left in the dust after receiving his first B during the Promo exam.

His trend of scoring AAAB continued throughout his time in school. Whenever he shifted focus from one subject to another to secure his straight A score, a B would inevitably pop up somewhere else.

This was not helped by his 2310 SAT score, which failed to meet even the basic entry requirements for most reputable universities. He described this time in his life as the most saddening and recalls crying late into the night while considering his future as a tramp, forcefully soliciting money from passers by. “That was never the kind of mugger I wanted to be”, he remarked.

Counsellors declared him a hopeless case and suggested he give up on his dreams of higher education. One particularly benevolent College Admissions Counsellor suggested he try for a place in the school known as “Not US” against all odds, together with other far-fetched applications to “Necessary Transport Unavailable” and “Seriously Ungodly Travel Distance”.

“He banished me from his office the moment he heard the letter ‘B’”, the student recounted with a pained expression. He could not refute the counsellor’s arguments either: “I thought to myself, the counsellor is right, why would anyone want me? I got a B after all, the colleges will just take the straight A students”.

His CCA records were wholly unimpressive too, consisting of only four CCAL positions in the last 4 years and the “construction of a fusion reactor with a paperclip and a soda can”.

After the encounter with the counsellors, the student told reporters that he cried for weeks and had set aside an appropriately large cardboard box for him to spend the rest of his nasty, brutish and short life in.

All that changed when the college admissions results were released however. The student managed to get into a top ranking university in the US together with a full scholarship. Lam Bia chalked this down to being “extraordinarily lucky”. Current students generally dismissed such “success stories”, saying these are only “one-off miracles”, and strongly emphasised the need for impeccable grades and excellent CCA records to truly demonstrate one’s ability to have “no life”. Only thus can anyone have a reasonable chance at higher education.

Still, the news piqued the curiosity of the College Counsellors who had forsaken him earlier. They were clamouring to find out his “one weird trick” to get into great schools even without great results.