CT2: GP Department Faces Crisis

It is well known that the GP department spends several weeks collating the best bull from each exam to put into the KS Bull. The book has served as an inspiration to students throughout the years who aspire to churn out high quality fabricated arguments.

Over its many editions, the book has earned acclaim from all corners of the campus. Most recently, a studently publicly called it “a load of fairy stories”, presumably applauding the thought and creativity that went into each and every essay.

Unfortunately, students from the most recent Common Test examinations have failed to live up to the standards the GP department held them to. As our tutors returned from Mongolia, many of them had the unmistakable look of resignation on their faces. GP tutor Mr Mak Shi Tup lamented students’ complete inability to make things up during the paper.

Emphasising the importance of students’ expressing their creativity with clear and insightful arguments, Mr Mak also pointed out that several scripts failed to maintain clearly signposted paragraphs and topic sentences. Having marked question 1, he recommended that those who failed to meet these stringent guidelines be shot at dawn.

As a result of the appalling state of the Bull generated by GP students, the KS Bull book is likely to consist only of KI essays.

Many KI students have expressed their joy at the announcement. The most popular questions on the KI paper this year were “What makes burgundy so burgundy?” and “Does society value knowledge of Olay’s 7 signs of ageing?”. Both questions have been said to be very well done by those who take the subject. That said, even essays that were complete crap are likely to be printed because KI essays are indecipherable and no one will be the wiser.

A notable KI candidate chose to discuss whether “we can truly know anything”. After the mandatory blathering introduction, the author successfully employed Occam’s razor to great effect, slicing the question paper in two and noting the futility of continued writing since true knowledge is impossible and any disagreement is superfluous. He concluded with the statement “if we could you wouldn’t be asking”. This argument impressed examiners, who found it to be “esoteric, vaguely insightful and barely comprehensible”, making them feel terribly clever for gleaning whatever information they could from it.

GP students however, are not quite as happy. Many have since complained about the tried and tested bingo ball method used to compute GP scores, claiming the marks awarded this time round were too consistently low. The Department of Mathematics may require students to test the validity of this claim in the Year 6 Prelim Examination.

We eagerly await the publication of the upcoming KS Bull.