The bad air quality recently managed to set off Singapore’s national smoke alarm system, piquing the interest of Singaporeans island-wide. Waffle Press reports.
The smoke alarm was implemented nationwide after locals grew fed up of the smoke coming this way from our neighbours to the south. It was initially hoped the alarm would alert locals to incoming haze thereby providing them enough time to immediately plan overseas getaways and preemptively complain. Unfortunately, the effectiveness of the alarm in this respect is rivaled only by the lightning alert system.
Together with the flyer (which can function as a fan) it forms the sixth pillar of the nation’s defense but is often hidden from view and thus ignored by locals. Several industry watchers have suggested several more flyers be built to more effectively repel haze and other unwanted migrants. The nation’s tuition centres, known to be experts at making flyers, have already been contracted to complete this task.
Many asthmatic Singaporeans, plagued by constant coughing, have ventured to the fabled mountain Bukit Batuk in the hopes of finding a cure. Other more innovative people have tried chewing on the air as a substitute for the chewing gum that they have long been deprived of.
Some Singaporeans have of course already started fully documenting their complaints, with one saying “confirm going to get lung cancer, cannot even sell drugs to pay for treatment”. This incited a political flame war on healthcare perhaps more intense than the fires of Sumatra.
One student, who is retaking his A levels for a record 70th time, was reminded of WW2, sharing that this particular event reminded him of the Japanese invasion.
Am I the only one that heard the siren and thought "WWII jap air strike"????
— Lee Chan Wai (@bigbookoffarni) September 15, 2015
Separately, Instagram also unveiled its new Haze filter, which promises to blur out buildings in the background and plaster masks on people using proprietary technology. At the press event in Sumatra, the company announced the filter would immediately be available to everyone within the SEA region and would automagically be applied to all photos. Even non-users will be able to enjoy softened, more “vintage” photos that convey a deeper message about the struggle between Man and the environment.
Sean Kingston was unavailable for comment.