In an unprecedented turn of events, the HHouse Committee has announced HH has made it to the top of the HHouse rankings. The unexpected result comes after an HH victory in the inter-house floorball event. Waffle Press Editor-Generals were equally shocked by the news and quickly reached out to their spokesperson to find out more.
HH officials confirmed the announcement was not a joke. They explained that the house’s “limitless tolerance for marginally hhumourous puns“ could have played a role in the outcome by building endurance and resilience. This rigorous training regiment is currently being looked into by other houses.
Among the other allegations, one competitor noted the fact that there were holes in the ball. He told the Waffle Press that this was a clear sign of match fixing, shaking his head vigorously in disappointment.
Students contacted believe one explanation could involve a “lone wolf” attack, the kind that only happens once in a blue moon. Seeing as they had little chance of making it into the finals, it’s possible one of the houses covertly plotted to help ensure the least likely result as a general insult to the last 190 years of HHistory.
Representatives from the other houses suspect a calculation error or some kind of high end statistical manipulation. A prominent HH mathematician who goes only by “Tansy” is believed to be behind this strategy but has denied all accusations.
The surprise result has also raised suspicions about the previous Computer Science Club Chief, who happens to be from HH. Allegations that he hacked into school systems to alter scores appear to have gained momentum. When we reached out to him for comment, he threw down the gauntlet saying “I don’t talk online hater, come here fite me 1v1 irl”. It is believed that no one has taken up his challenge.
The two have been warned to reserve their involvement for IHC Remix.
Sources inside HH have confirmed that the result was so entirely unexpected, it was responsible for the botched HH cheer during the special morning assembly event. They told reporters “we couldn’t hhandle it, we don’t usually cheer to win”.
We also contacted HH icon Shadowfax of Rohan to find out what he figured of the results. His simple “nay” response was enough to convey the level of shock and disbelief he was experiencing on hearing about the victory.
Perhaps most shockingly though, is the defeat of the House of BB. This came despite a rousing rendition of house anthem “All I Do Is Win”, composed by prominent musician DJ Khaled. Corruption is being viewed as a possible explanation after several students pointed out that they “got money on [their] mind” and that they “can never get enough”.
It has also been reported that the victors paraded around after the match shouting “why so blue” and “dirty fellow” at competitors, just to rub it in. Any attempts at calling the opponents ‘moorons’ were swiftly dealt with by the referee, who awarded a red card and shouted ‘see what I did there’.
Whatever it is, most analysts agree that the anomalous result will be corrected by the end of IHC sports, relegating HH back to its usual position. Waffle Press will continue close coverage of the IHC events.
UPDATE: In a turn of events eerily reminiscent of the Godfather, HH has been usurped by MT, proving that even the strongest of horses still bleed red. It appears the HH victory was extremely short-lived and most definitely not metastable. Nonetheless, the HHouse will stand in the annals of history forever, having set the record for the shortest term as victors.