BREAKING NEWS: School Administrators Considering Carving Deans List In Stone

In another bid to cut costs whilst maintaining the shine of its ivory tower, school administrators are considering chiselling the legendary Dean’s List on a stone tablet.This is a natural move, since the names list hardly changes between examinations (with the notable exception of General Paper, where the chosen ones are determined by lottery), and in many cases even stay the same across subjects. According to calculations done by the in-house printing agency, the school is expected to save $0.50 on reprinting costs every quarter. Sadly, further calculations done by Waffle Press statisticians indicated the amount saved is unlikely to be make any meaningful impact on the collective lives of students.

The immutable nature of the Dean’s list is also expected to ease congestion on the heavily travelled route right outside the SAC as students will not have to keep stopping to take pictures or gawk in awe.

According to the proposal submitted to higher-ups, the use of a stone tablet and a chisel will make the list a work of art, allowing delegation of the chiseling process to hapless students who profess an interest in art. This is expected to slash labour costs, reducing the cost of production further and allowing the school to progress towards productive efficiency. Inquiries made about the distributive efficiency of mark allocation sadly went unanswered as of press time.

Dean Pennybags noted that this will be a long-term solution since many Dean Listers continue staying on the Dean’s List even after graduating due to the sheer lack of chance they give. In light of the upgrade from paper to tablets, the school is expected to seek government funding as part the move towards a “Smart Nation”.

The iDA has not responded to requests for comment.