GP students sitting for the Prelim paper were aghast to find themselves rekt several times over by the cruel and unforgiving GP paper the department had taken the liberty to set. Waffle Press caught up with GP student Eh Tee Kiew to find out more.

Tee Kiew was quick to attack the general ambiguity of the paper. He lamented the impossibility of the question on Mathematics exclaiming “If math can be art why cannot be contrasting subject? Why cannot? Why cannot?!”. He had hoped that sufficient repetition of this question would appropriately communicate his excessive anxiety. Students polled generally concurred, with the exception of some. And when we say some, you know who we mean.

Curious students thirsting for knowledge later managed to locate the mysterious author Yu Luv Itz and ask her the all-important tone question that caused some to flip their tables and fingers in frustration during the paper. Her perplexing answer- “sarcasm” -managed to bamboozle tutors and students alike and spark a flurry of debate amongst linguists and literarists.

Other students frantically rushed to request aid from the SDRHP but most unfortunately lost their lives after suffocating on the way. International humanitarian aid dispatched proved too late to save them. The MPH and ISH districts declined to contribute, citing the “depression at home”.

The school’s Social Justice League is already up in arms over the comprehension. Many called the comprehension “misogynistic”, “racist”, “homophobic” and “anti-semitic”. They were especially concerned about how women were portrayed in the passage and complained extensively about the lack of discussion on same-sex couples. Taking this evidence into account, they insisted that Judith was in fact a “white cis male”. They concluded by saying their society was clearly unprepared for the challenges diversity brings.

Some students however, saw similarities between their own lives and the children described by the author. Where American children signed up for several extracurricular activities, Singaporean children too signed up for a wide variety of extracurricular tuition services. In light of the recent calamity, they have pledged to sign up for even more tuition, concluding that their GP “socks”.

Opportunistic students took the opportunity to pen down their observations about science and religion during the paper, noting the number of Science students prostrating at their desks seeking divine intervention. When asked for a verdict after the paper, a GP invigilator recommended prayer. Pandoran god Eywa was particularly surprised by the surge in devotees following the paper, remarking that students were “blue even by pandoran standards”.

In stark contrast, many other students left the exam hall convinced that there is no god. Several of these students were seen building a shrine to Richard Dawkins just outside the school in the hope of understanding why our hormones make us worry so much.

KI students were generally optimistic however. Most students were able to successfully tackle the questions “Is Occam’s razor as Sharp as it is Toshiba?” and “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the tree that fell made no sound?”. While the questions seem absurd to most average people, KI solutions effectively reduced them to more manageable segments.

Most students are not particularly looking forward to getting back their scripts, though some notable “suanners” are already confident of making it onto the List of Lists. In an effort to relieve their anxiety before the remaining Prelim papers, some have chosen to divide their “worry work” with friends and classmates, picking a “designated worrier” by lottery. This randomised system is inspired by the efficient essay marking scheme students scripts are expected to be subject to.