MAS In Crisis Mode

After a recent series of events, the country’s Monetary Authority has declared a state of emergency. Waffle Press reporters went to the Sovereign Treasury and spoke to Chancellor of the Exchequer Mun Nee Gai to find out more.

The problem is believed to have come up due to the tough economic climate in China combined with the Teacher’s Day celebrations. Helped by the uncertain political climate, the dollar has fallen to a new Low, prompting authorities to make use of assembly programmes to help appreciate the dollar.

Chancellor Mun explained that the occasion of Teacher’s Day had led to strong appreciation of teachers against the SGD providing students with an unprecedented opportunity to shower their teachers with such unique and innovative presents as cards and mugs.

The rapid appreciation of teachers is also likely to crush any hopes students had of significant grade inflation during the Prelim papers. Economics tutors have already told students to keep expectations low and put an end to speculation that the passage about Germany was a hint at students getting more Marks.

Fortunately, the MAS has decided to increase the frequency of Assembly sessions, inviting Chancellor Mun himself to lead students in appreciating the SGD. This is likely to be helped by the presence of an image of the school on local currency. The talks will try to refocus student attention on the weakening currency to raise interest in it. While economists are skeptical of this strategy, the MAS remains optimistic since “it’s the thought that counts”.

German Tunnel Boring Machines have already been rented from local contractors to effectively bore students and Upturn the Downturn.

They are expected to face stiff competition from a rousing teacher’s day concert however. Many students were moved to tears with the rendition of the old classic “Xinyao Chingchonglinglong” (sic). Others were reminded of how their teachers worked tirelessly to “make me pass my GCE, GCE, GCE!” by a local Triangle playing rapper.

It appears students may already have been engaged in cheering and rallying the previous evening and were hence unable to pull themselves out of bed for the occasion. Flocks of owls were seen pouring into the SAC this morning delivering sack-loads of MCs and parents’ letters.

Requests for comment directed at the Economics Department went unanswered and it appears red ink may already have been spilt. Several economics students were spotted in the vicinity offering sacrifices to the great deities of Capitalism in hopes of abating their wrath and mitigating the brutal devastation of their hopes and aspirations.

Still, the general air was an appreciative and optimistic one and the strong appreciation of teachers is expected to have a spillover effect over the following week, at least until the extermination continues the following Monday.

From the Editor-Generals at The Waffle Press, Happy Teacher’s Day!