“Popular” is the campus’ most visited bookstore. Everyday, students flock to it to purchase stationery, school merchandise and books. As a result, the bookstore appears to have gained a name for itself throughout the campus.
However, the recent class action lawsuit filed against the company has now raised questions about the accuracy of the perceptions the student body has of Popular. It argues that the store has taken on an obviously misleading name to deceive unsuspecting students.
The case is written in fluent legalese by an aspiring lawyer from the Republic of HP and was submitted at the Court of Tennis during a recent “Department of Discipline summit” there.
The first premise of the case, and perhaps the most important, is that nobody actually goes to Popular. At any time, there are hordes of students thronging the mysterious Windy Benches around the store but a distinct lack of students actually within the store. A study by the Millikan Institute revealed any students found within the store were under the influence of illegal substances or employees in disguise.
Next, the prosecution argued that students were especially vulnerable to the influence of written instruction. Having been conditioned since young to adhere strictly to black and white instructions, public prosecutor Keanu Kunya questioned the intention of the franchise in displaying such a misleading sign.
Citing the immense literature on the subject, he dismissed the defense’s attempts to prove there was “dripping sarcasm” on the sign, noting the sign was obviously perfectly dry and that any sarcasm was not sufficiently evident.
The defence contended the nature of the bookstore as a “place of learning and literature” necessitated such a figurative name. In their interpretation, the name is filled with irony and a variety of metaphors sourced from the many books within its premises. Reading the sign is supposed to be a “learning experience” for students in the art of critical reading and sarcasm detection, a skill that will prove to be invaluable to students as sarcasm is one of the 3 possible answers to any GP tone question.
Literature professors summoned in court failed to agree on the metaphorical qualities of the brand name, but remarked any non-literal meaning was well beyond the vast majority of the student population.
A economics tutor consulted by the defence noted the importance of having a bookstore within the confines of the school since few students ever ventured outside. The teacher pointed out that the lack of other bookstores within the school’s Borders made the prosecution’s case moot as there were no alternatives available to students. The tutor did however recommend introducing other bookstores into the school to increase competition and improve student welfare. It is hoped this will combat the colossal market failure seen in students’ scripts during the recent paper.
As of press time, employees were spotted consulting self-help books such as “Win A Lawsuit Instantly With This One Weird Tip” and “How To Work From A Bookstore”.