The recent mathematical catastrophe proved remarkably effective in worsening the plight of already demoralised students.
A voluntary survey about students’ career goals and aspirations after the paper found a disproportionate number had ruled out any statistics-related occupation and many cited the PSLE as their only and highest qualification before burying their heads in sorrow.
Math teacher Mr Yee Er San told reporters that he expects many students’ scores will be “purely imaginary” and made it a point to mock students who drew unicorns for complex numbers questions.
Waffle Press investigates the strange phenomenon surrounding the questions in the recent paper.
The Math Department Loves Babies
Data unearthed by our investigations suggest that the Math Department has unfortunately developed an unhealthy obsession with the mass of babies. Indeed the department set almost 20% of paper 2 to be solely about the masses of babies.
After a rigorous analysis of the variation of baby weight with time, it went on to discuss the variation in baby weight across the genders.
This did not go unnoticed by the school’s Social Justice League which was absolutely furious after the paper, deriding the departments’ emphasis on “baby body image” and insisting that “female babies can be just as heavy as male babies”. Biology students were particularly amused by the use of variable X for males and Y for females. Physics students were seen muttering “who measures weight in kg?”.
One astute student pointed out “they sure have a lot of random babies to choose from”, suggesting that perhaps Count von Count had a hand to play in this. An alternative hypothesis suggests the involvement of known child abduction specialist Johnny English.
Despite these rumours, it is still unclear what the Math Department would want with little people incapable of even basic calculus.
Haze Has Reached New Guinea
The smoke from a massive Sumatran birthday cake has arrived in New Guinea wreaking havoc on the local butterfly population.
Unbeknownst to unsuspecting student lepidopterists, the species recently evolved two tails (following cues from Naruto) allowing it to better strike terror into the hearts of its unfortunate victims and butterflies into their stomachs. The student counselling office has also reported a sudden spike in lepidopterophobia.
Some students even attempted to plot t distributions of their attention spans given the fact that they had 0 degrees of freedom.
Ben And Gwen Fail To Kick Gambling Habit
High rollers Ben and Gwen were completely deceived by the apparent allure of voucher savings, misled by their statistical incompetence to blow their winnings on excessive consumerism. In fact, they failed to realise that $100 must be spent to even stand a chance to win the $50 voucher. No doubt, this is the Math Department’s idea of joke.
Gossip specialists have also pointed out the anomalous amount of time the two appear to spend running amok in the world of statistics. Although reference to a close positive relationship (r~1) between the two has previously been dismissed as ludicrous and statisticians insist the null hypothesis cannot be accepted, the results are still suggestive of a statistically significant other. Not only do they share the same set of values, but their mutual passion for it is also believed to be an x-factor in their affinity.
Repeated assertions by the Math Department that they are just “friends” have failed to convince the students, who are almost certain that gf exists. When asked, to elaborate, one student merely made the cryptic comment, “someone’s been busy doing family planning” and refused to elaborate.
We continue to monitor the prelims.