So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

Most esteemed reader,

Established in Narnia just some months ago, The Waffle Press has served as a bastion of impartial, factually accurate reporting. The hard-working editors, reporters, analysts and fact-checkers at the publication have been utterly dedicated to the service of classy journalism.

The site was set up immediately prior to the CT2, upon the realisation that school was almost over and we had yet to carefully spray paint the lyrics of Thrift Shop on the walls of the Crystal Palace. While the latter idea seemed brilliant, the editors here do plan to make it to college eventually.

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The Waffle Press quickly overtook the incumbent dominant player in news about our school. Which if you didn’t know, is STOMP. But perhaps the greatest triumph was when “waffle press ketupat” became a recommended search on Google and when the site topped the results list for “Waffle Press”.

Using only logic and rational arguments, the articles have presented incredible insights into things students would never otherwise notice. It is only with such attention to detail that the publication has convinced even its most staunch detractors that it is in fact their face that is a logical fallacy.

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This has permitted the meteoric rise of the humble publication, crashing servers and requiring more and more of our talented software engineering team. Fortunately, the skill of the finest wizards of the RCSC has allowed the publication to remain afloat.

A great inspiration in this whole process was of course MC Hammer, whose song “U Can’t Touch This” was a guiding philosophy in our attitude towards our articles. Living in Singapore under constant fear of the Department for Corporate Communications, Hammer’s inspirational lyrics and dope soundtrack kept us going.

Perhaps rather surprisingly, some teachers took very well to the articles. There are rumours some articles have been fodder for primetime water-cooler discussions in the staffrooms. One Chemistry tutor even went so far as to say that the editors are “eloquent but delusional”, which is substantially more positive than we were expecting.

It is because of this support that the Waffle Press was able to serve as an engine for radical change within the establishment. Most notably, the editors oversaw a seven-fold increase in the number of marks dedicated to semiconductors, lightened tension occasionally and inspired the national newspaper to write satire (ST, if you guys want like notes or a workshop or something, our email is on the about page).

We hope that the publication has provided a worthwhile distraction from studying. Every article has its fair share of insightful comments and subtle messages, and will likely become significantly more offensive on subsequent readings. Try googling some things you didn’t quite understand. Yeah, I know right.

There is a moral to take away from this heartwarming tale. There is wisdom in the words of American poet Kid Cudi when he said “All the crazy shit I did tonight, those will be the best memories, I just gotta let it go for the night, that’ll be the best therapy for me”. Even if you consider school to be the epitome of human suffering, you can minimise the pain by taking it a little less seriously.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. The founding editors are hoping to graduate from this fine institution. It’s been great fun and a true honour to have been on the frontlines of some of the most exciting events to ever go down in this humble campus. From secession to depression,  we’re glad to have always been able to spin a unique angle on every seeming disaster.

The future of this great publication has yet to be decided. If you reckon you’d do a smashing job of it, write in to [email protected].

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Editor-General Neil “Dr Coconut” Dhar
Editor-General Lee “Huey” Jin Huey